What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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