Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
