Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize