I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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