Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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