Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
