I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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