btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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