Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
