no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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