well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
