Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As shirtless as possible
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
