I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
