My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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