im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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