At least make sure they are 18
Why
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
