sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
