I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
