i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
