I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
