put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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