Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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