The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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