Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
