I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
