how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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