Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
