I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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