i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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