is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
