so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
