It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
