Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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