ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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