I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize