I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
