Can i not drive my cunt home
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
