That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
