I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I supernannyed him into submission
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
