dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
