u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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