My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
