I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
