yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
