Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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