I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
