He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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