Soap is not a condiment
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
