When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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