I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
