i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
