Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
