Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So here I am, sexting at work.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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