therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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