Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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