Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Two words: nipple clamps
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