when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
