shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
