so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
