Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
