you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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