I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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