have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
