my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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