If i come over, it means nothing
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
