I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
