nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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