finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
