I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
