I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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