I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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