I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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