yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
