To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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