I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
