Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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