You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
