I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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