I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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