R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
