I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
