i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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