I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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