I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
