I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
