Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
